Thursday, July 8, 2010

Me, Now

I used to keep journals. I still have all of them... all the way back to 1989. It is fun to look over them again from time to time to retrace the highlights of this crazy ride we call life.
Now it seems I have opted to journal out here, where everyone can see it, if they want. This is better, I think. I can share my thoughts out here, not keep them all hidden away in composition notebooks that no one will ever read.
So this is my blog... hmm? What goes in the very first blog a person posts?
I supposed I could tell you all about me. Though, I suspect most of the folks reading this will be friends anyway, so you already know me. But I labeled this post "Me, Now" to imply that perhaps I am not the same me I was before, or will be later.
Me, Now.
At this point in the Grand Adventure, I am better. Better than I have been in years. I'm mentally healthy, spiritually glowing, physically in good shape, in a great healthy loving relationship, great home, great pets ('cept the cat keeps pissing on stuff). Life is good. Aside from the cat piss, I am exactly where I want to be.

Did I fail to mention my job? Yea, that is because I don't have one. I need one. I need one pretty badly. I have no idea how I am going to pay the rent next month. :)
I am amazingly relaxed about it. I've sent out the resumes and applications. I know I will have a job soon. I am simply choosing not to allow fear and desperation to rule my mind during the waiting time. To do so will cause me to make poor choices and end up in another place that I don't want to be.
So here I am, blogging and waiting for the completion of the whole package. Soon I will have a great job doing what I love.

The best part of me, now, is that I am happy. Very happy. Happier than I think I have ever been. The great relationship plays a big part in that. The other part is an awakening awareness in myself. I am gonna call it "ownership".
This is not about stuff, real estate or cars. It is about owning my life; owning the entirety of it. I've done some amazing things in my life, and I own those. I proudly accept responsibility for them. I also take full responsibility for all the less than happy things; all the stupid mistakes, the rotten relationships, the painful situations. Those are all me too. MINE MINE MINE!:) I cannot, nor do I want to, blame anyone or anything else for them.
I will delve more deeply into the context for this later on. I just wanted to share this one seemingly simple concept, that has given me a sense of control and focus like I have never had before.

So there is my first blog. I think its a bit disjointed... eh.. it will get better. A good friend suggested I do video blogs... maybe I will.

Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

  1. Nik, my darling, I simply adore you for sharing this. I've been inspired and have decided to blog a bit myself. CHEERS